He is Risen!

“and said to them, "Thus it is written, that the Christ should suffer and on the third day rise from the dead, and that repentance and forgiveness of sins should be proclaimed in his name to all nations, beginning from Jerusalem. You are witnesses of these things.”

‭‭Luke‬ ‭24:46-48‬ ‭ESV‬‬

He is Risen! 

Happy Easter!

The Way, The Truth, The Life, The Love

Definition of Tough

Today was tough. The hubs and I had a very deep discussion about my faith the other night and I truly felt moved by our conversation. Having the ability to have someone in this life that allows you to open up to them about your faith, and not just speak about your walk with God, but bare your soul to them. Talk about your aspirations, your hopes, your vision for this life and some of the most inner thoughts of your spirit man. To be able to be that vulnerable with another human is a magical thing. It's a gift. And I'm thankful I have that with my husband.
Well;...the devil heard me. He heard me and it rattled his world so much that he has been coming after me for the past two days. You see, I consider myself to be a "recovering-depressionist" I feel for the past year or so I've slowly been sinking into depression. I have lost interest, gone silent, not cared, about anything; I mean anything...and cried silently...a lot. But I've also had a movement and have been working on my choices. I know I have a choice to either continue to let the devil takeover or to stand up and fight. I'm choosing to fight. I can beat this, I don't have to be this person. I don't have to be a fragile, weak, individual that is afraid to live life. I have decided that God wins. He is the true ruler of my life. But sometimes it's hard to remember that.
Tonight I had another meltdown. I ended up in the bathroom in a puddle of tears. Why?? Not sure why; I just know it happened. (I'm praying through that) I found myself consumed of awful sad thoughts. But then I remembered a sermon I listened to yesterday; and it was about being thankful. So instead of wallowing, I decided to thank God. For everything. I thanked Him for this life, for my children, for my health, for their health, for our jobs, for the ability to provide more than abundantly for them, and for peace over my spirit. And you know what;...God won. I immediately felt His presence. I felt peace and picked myself up.
So yes; today was tough, and I'm sure I'll have more tough days. But my God is tougher.

Choices

It's been a year...a whole stinkin' year almost to the day. (t-minus 7 days) My family has grown closer, thank you God. I have been promoted to Supervisor of my department; thank you God. My marriage is better than it's ever been; thank you God. Overall, things are great. I've just been tired. My spirit has been tired. We recently had a family vacation and it was great. We got away and disconnected from the hustle and bustle of our everyday. It was nice to re-charge.  I felt refreshed and felt my soul awaken in a way it hasn't in a very long time. It made me realize how far I allowed myself to get sucked into the whirlwind of life. While I am appreciative of the opportunity God has given me, I have been extremely challenged in ways I've never been before in my life. Having two small children and a very demanding job plus looking sane all at the same time is hard. The word "hard" honestly doesn't do it justice; I have felt like I've been drowning for the past year. Attempting to maintain friendships, stay on top of tasks at work, stay available to my family, and hold my household together all while keeping a smile on my face. Thinking about it now makes me want to cry a little.
Being away for the weekend reminded me how important it is to take a step back every once in a while and breath. Not just breath but take a moment and dive into the Word. Remember God's promises to me that He will never forsake me or leave me, that if I give all of my anxiety to Him and focus on things that are positive, beautiful,  and pure it will bring a spirit of contentment and gratitude which in turn, brings peace. "Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me- put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you." Philippians 4:9.
Ultimately, I've made a choice. I've made the choice to not let this life overcome me, but instead to give it to God and let the light of His Word and His Love overcome my world. This life may be trying, and it may have obstacles, but it's a beautiful life that was granted to me as a gift. He placed me here to do a work, a work to spread His message and His love to the people. I cannot do that if I'm focusing on the negative. I will choose to dive into Him and by doing so, others will see Him through me and that in itself, is the greatest gift of all.

Staying Connected

My family had a rough year in 2014. We lost the pillar of our family. We lost our mother. Here we are 3 months later and I still miss her. Our family looks okay on the outside but honestly, we are hurting more than ever before. We are trying to find our way in this world without her. I wish I could say that it was easy but it's not. It's especially hard to try to stay connected. But we keep trying. We are fragile with each other, we are there for one another when needed. But I have a desire for more. I especially have a strong desire to be there for my baby sister. I feel a great responsibility for her especially now that her mom is gone. But at the same time, I don't want to be too pushy. It's a fine line that must be walked. To make sure she is okay, and try to steer her in the right direction yet be weary of being overbearing and bossy. I have a tendency to be pushy and I really am trying to not be that way with her. I want her to know that I am always here but don't want to be so in her face. I know she is super independent and I respect that about her. I see so many wonderful traits in her. I see a strong woman in her. But I know from experience how hard it can be to see yourself as strong. You never fully comprehend how strong you are until you have no other choice and I know without a doubt in my mind that she is going to grow substantially within the next year.
Tonight I read scripture and was turned to Psalm 138:3 where it says that when we call out to him he emboldens us, he gives our soul strength. You see we can't do it on our own. There is no way we'd be able to overcome this life without Him. We must rely on Him daily. My hope lies in Him and Him alone. I know with my God on my side I cannot fail. He sees so much more for me than I could even imagine, He sees so much more for my family than what we have become. He is the driving force behind it all. He strengthens my soul. So while I learned how to be the strong woman I am today from the woman I called mom; I also know that long after she is gone my spirit will be upheld by the firm foundation that was placed before me by my heavenly Father.
We just have to make the effort to stay connected to Him and to each other. We cannot do this life without Him, but He also put us all here to do this life together, to connect with one another thru Him. Although we may not always see eye to eye we must make an effort everyday to love one another as He loves us.
So I pray tonight for continued strength for my family. For healing and for Godly connection.

Captain Emilie

Without going into tons of detail; yesterday was a slightly anxious day for me. I am a planner. I like to know what's ahead so I can prep and do what needs to be done, and get my mind right. I know that before any big task can be accomplished there are almost always many small tasks that need to be finished first. I feel it is my job in this family to ensure that all those things get accomplished in a timely manner so that we can reach our goal. More often than not, this can cause me to be anxious, and stressed out, especially if I'm unsure of what the plan will be. We have a lot things that are slightly in limbo, up in the air, no set dates; and that causes me to be incredibly anxious. Almost to the point of severe worry. 

This morning when I woke up, God reminded me to meet with him. I can't say that I was surprised by what I read; he pretty much told me to chill the heck out because he's got this. Lol! And it's so true! He knew I was feeling incredibly anxious and he provided me with his word to ensure that no matter how much I plan, and worry, and try to navigate this ship my own way, he is the ocean and will direct us in the way he wants us to go. I can plan, and do everything in my power to ensure we are ready, and packed but ultimately it is up to God, and he will direct us as to where we need to go. He takes on the stress for us, as a gift. A precious gift at that. We need only be still, and listen, wait and watch for him to make all the moves in our lives. 

Now I can honestly say I am excited, and feel at peace. I know God will provide, and place us where he wants us. He isn't going to forsake or harm us. We are his children; he is only going to provide and love us. So God, let your will be done in us. 

Lighting my path

I need to remember to make my days count. They are already limited as it is and I need to remember to walk out this life thru him. I can't keep worrying about little things, it's a reflection on Him when I don't put my faith in my father. He loves me, he will not forsake me nor leave me. I will keep my eyes on Him and his light will shine thru me. I am excited for our adventure our Lord has set out for us and I will obediently and trustingly walk in his lighted path. Thank you Lord for reminding my heart of how much you love me. 

Make it count

Tonight I had a long conversation with my daughter about her day. She went on and on about art class. While she was talking I couldn't help but notice her enthusiasm and emphasis on her experience.  She constantly pushed her hair behind her ears and used her hands a lot while she was explaining. She is growing up everyday and so often I take for granted these small moments with her. I'm always in a rush, always have something to do. But tonight, I took the time. God gave me a glimpse of her soul, of the sweet innocence that is my daughter. To her, the world is still new. I envy that. I miss looking at the world with her curiosity and excitement. Made me realize that it's okay to slow down. Also made me feel guilty for not taking more time for my girl. Mental note: make time, because there is always, always, always time for what truly matters.